I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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