You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
