hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
