Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
