if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
