I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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