Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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