You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
