I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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