are you so shy because you have an std?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
