Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
