I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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