I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
