I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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