Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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