I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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