anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
