Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
