he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
