well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
