Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
