Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize