He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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