Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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