what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
