Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
