glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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