are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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