I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
