apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
