Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I AM VODKA MAN
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
