Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
