I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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