I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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