I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
