We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
