you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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