who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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