You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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