My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
