There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
