Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
