$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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