3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
