Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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