Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
