You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
