i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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