my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
