shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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