He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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