Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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