After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
