just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
