I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
