i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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