If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
