is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
