Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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