I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
nutella sex= disaster
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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