a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
