Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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