My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
