This girl is more easily done than said...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
