Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize